[ theo | my story ]

turning time returning

2009-05-11T02:21:00.001+08:00

say with me.

deja-vu.

and this is how it unfolds.

unfamiliar spaces

2009-05-10T20:31:00.002+08:00

I've not been here for quite a while.

It seems like I've lost the motivation to post here, because everything I say is what I feel, do and think, but not exactly what consumes me so much that there is a need to say. I've never been that expressive on this platform, not only because I know that so many people might read my posts, but because the special struggles and memories and not meant to be stored in a virtual space but in hearts which I place my trust in.

Recently, each vessel and vein in my beating heart have been screaming out for oxygen. I'm lost beneath the comfortable atmosphere, gasping, writhing and falling. Yet, there are hands which clench me tight. I know this does now make much sense, but please bear with it while you are reading. If there are people who still read my blog anyway.

Recently, I've been thinking how tough it is for us to believe there is a purpose when things do not go our way. I don't believe I've been very materially disappointed this year. In fact, I've got almost everything I could have asked for. Yet, observing everything around me fall out of place, I cannot help but wonder why. It's so easy to say let it go because there is a greater divine plan. But the reality in everything is that it's hard, and it hurts. I ask God why, and although I know that I know the answer, it's not all that easy to believe and take in.

I remember a chorus of a song which I used to love, which goes:
The plans you have for me
Will prosper and not harm me
So I trust you with all my heart
Wherever I may be
May my destiny be fulfilled
My testimony revealed
The reality of Jesus
Unveiled through my life
For all to see.

How I wish it was so easy to believe.
Yet, I try. We try. Knowing that it WILL be done.

I wish I could say

2009-05-10T01:57:00.001+08:00

I don't know how to express how I feel anymore.

It hurts.

all I want is warmth

2009-04-25T00:33:00.001+08:00

so erase me from this world ;

look at the stars, they shine for us

2009-04-06T00:29:00.003+08:00

there was a time when I used to frequently gaze out the window, staring deep into the night sky. it was usually in the dead of the night, where there would be a silent cool breeze with the occasional drizzle as accompaniment. I would let myself get lost in the patterns of the few visible stars, lose my thoughts to the vast wondrous darkness and feel free.

yes, I would feel free. It would be like giving wings to my dreams and telling them to fly. Only, those dreams would be directionless after take-off, and end up wandering from star to star searching for answers. Sometimes, I feel like surrendering to those celestial forms which might know better, as I seek them for answers.

everytime I look to this facade of rain and sky, I know that somewhere out there, there will be a star shining for us.

yes, it would shine so bright.

we're all in this together

2009-03-26T02:16:00.000+08:00

♥

avril lee.
laura gan.
nelson wee.
theodore tan.

it's like a gift from heaven

2009-03-21T22:33:00.002+08:00

I realised once again today, that standing on the pavement and gazing up at the falling rain is a beautiful sight. It feels so stunningly surreal that as each crystal drop falls from the night sky, it is as if rain were a gift from above. Just like the mood it creates, the facading rain steadily falls, each drop different. It cannot really be put into words, but I thank God for rain.

I cannot think of a title now

2009-03-20T17:09:00.003+08:00

I wonder why I've been at a deficit of things to blog about recently. I mean there are so many things going on in my life, making it so busy, but I just can't find the right things/words to blog. Oh well, I'm trying to update more often at least, and I sure hope it's working!

I wonder why it always rains when we go to kallang. I got caught in another storm today, this time at the Indoor Stadium, and it's bad. It's bad mostly because there is hardly any shelter or sheltered routes around that part of kallang, forcing us to squeeze under too small umbrellas or to run. Unfortunately, both these options are not very favourable. They both result in us getting wet, which we did. At least floorball & lunch with 4K guys was fun!

Okay, I'm going out now for EXCO dinner and they scurrying down to shoujian's birthday dinner (:

And, I realised I've been wondering too much in this post O:

On another note, HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY SHOUJIAN & RUOTING (:

your light shines when all else fades

2009-03-18T21:35:00.002+08:00

It seems like every time I come back here to post a new entry, I inevitable start off my blog post with an apology for my prolonged absence from maintaining this blog. Sadly, this is true once again. It has been 18 days since I last posted anything on this space, and though people have constantly reminded me to update, I haven't done so mostly due to the lack of discipline I suppose. Thank you all who have constantly returned to check if I have since updated. I assure you that this blog isn't dead (:

It's midway through the holidays now, and I must say the March holidays aren't really holidays at all. It's too short, and I know that in a blink of an eye, it'll just be over and I'll just fall back into the routine of school life once again. There have really been so many things to do, from Humanz Party to Tales of Hoffmann to trainings to movies&outings. Though short, at least the better part of my holidays are rewarding and a good time for me to break out of routine to rechange.

That being said, I almost can't wait for school to start again. 10A13A is going to Mount Ophir (: After a few days back in school, class camp awaits and I'm really quite excited over it. I really want to get to know 10A13A even better and somehow, I relish the prospect of this 'Survivor' like expedition during which I'll be doing this I have never done in my life before. 26-29 march, come quick but don't end fast!

On another note, I think I'm starting to sort out many of my previous worries. I admit not everything's gone smoothly, but perhaps the silver lining in everything has been extra silver. I see hope, more than despair now.

a light brings life, a life brings light ;

over and over

2009-03-01T23:56:00.003+08:00

I find myself with a small pocket of time to spare, and therefore am posting to ensure that neither my blog nor my readership dies. (Although I already suspect that not many people read this blog anymore) Please be patient if you do not see any sign of a new post for a few days. It probably means I'm really caught up with stuff in school. Alternatively, you can keep bugging me until I yield, and decide to post something. Either way is fine with me!

Anyway, school has mostly been fine so far. I'm starting to get the feeling that things are beginning to fall into routine, which I have yet to decide if it's a good thing. Everyday moves in pretty much the same manner now, with each day filled with lectures/tutorials/free blocks/training. I'm really quite thankful to the people who are with me during my breaks and free time, and the people that I've had chances to talk with recently. Tomorrow will be another of those days.

This coming week will be one filled with more lessons, more floorball, more friends, more free blocks & crashing PI! Honestly, even though JC life is so much more complicated than secondary school life, I still find myself looking forward to school. Perhaps not so much the academic rigour of school, but every other aspect of it, including CCA.

Floorball ♥

& finally, just a random shoutout to 10A13A, because I really do hope we can be an awesome class! Zhixuan, Cheriel, Shanzhi, Jingyi, Xuanwei, Matthias, Lisa, Lihui, Debby, Renyan, Yongsheng, Victoria, Joho, Larissa and Nicholas (:

we are stronger

2009-03-01T18:41:00.001+08:00

so this is the time where we stand up and make ourselves counted ;

once again

2009-02-20T01:11:00.002+08:00

I know I've posted this song before, but right now, it seems inevitable that I post it again. Inevitable.

Footprints In The Sand - Leona Lewis

You walked with me,
Footprints in the sand,
And helped me understand,
Where I'm going,

You walked with me,
When I was all alone,
With so much unknown,
Along the way,
Then I heard you say,

I promise you,
I'm always there,
When your heart is filled with sorrow,
And despair, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

I see my life flash across the sky,
So many times have I been so afraid.
And just when I, have thought I lost my way,
You gave me strength to carry on,
It's then I heard you say,

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled
With sorrow and despair
And, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

When I'm with you,
Well I know you've been there,
And I can feel you when you say,

I promise you (you)
I'm always there
When your heart is filled (when your heart)
With sadness and despair (and despair)
I'll carry you when you need a friend (need a friend)
You'll find my footprints in the sand. (I promise you)

Ohh. (I'm always there)

When your heart is full of
Sadness and despair, (and despair)
I'll carry you when you need a friend. (I'll carry you)
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

Uhh mmhhh.

beneath every stone

2009-02-18T00:31:00.002+08:00

I guess in a very strange and somewhat cathartic way, I'm starting to see things in new perspectives. It isn't all a bad thing, though there are still many pieces which I'm trying to fit together in this life-sized jigsaw. I hope that it'll all work out, because today made me see the good in circumstance. Maybe tomorrow, maybe it'll work out just fine.

you are my security in the chaos

2009-02-14T00:32:00.000+08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S (:

far from that bed of roses

2009-02-13T00:37:00.002+08:00

I MISS.

Searching, for shoulders for rent. Willing to pay a high price.
Searching, for outstretched arms. Willing to return the favour.
Searching, for unfrosted hearts. Willing to give you a part of mine.

Searching for warmth.
Searching for embrace.

Searching, for answers.

I MISS. I MISS. I MISS.

touching broken hearts

2009-02-10T00:39:00.002+08:00

This is the time when true friends stand tall.
When they are your shelter in the storms.
When they are your motivation when hope is lost.
When they are your promises in disappointments.
When they are your hope in despair.
When they are your light in the darkness.
When they are your comfort in the sorrow.

When they choose to stand tall, when you feel so small.

Then you will know, how yesterday and tomorrow can last until forever.

and it's over

2009-02-08T17:38:00.004+08:00

and those flames which lit up the atmosphere of the night brought the curtain down on a wonderful 5 days of orientation. they represented the passion of our batch, what we stood for and how we could unite in the true meaning of the word 'O'Tiero'. there surely is much more to come, for us to await, in the next two years. for now though, it's over. all that are left are memories.

Looking back, these past 5 days came and went all too quickly. Even though they were tiring and long days, each step of the way was surely meaningful and worth it. I really don't think I'll trade this experience for anything, because not only was it enjoyable, it also taught me lessons as a person.

MT01 O'rbiquack & OGLs, thanks for everything.

& I really feel the best way to sum everything up is our batch song. These lyrics really encompass all our hopes, dreams, fears, connections and experiences. Really, right now, everything truly seems like it was just yesterday.

When We Look Back - Batch Song 2009

Wasn't it just yesterday
I couldn't find the words to say
To fill the empty silence
To break the awkward moments

A little smile and laughter shared
A friendship sparked because you cared
This path we tread won't be smooth
But together we will pull through

Walking hand in hand, heart to heart, joining voices to sing and dance
When I start this song, you'll sing along, and we can just go on and on and on

When we look back, will we remember
Each moment of this year?
The days that mark our time in here
Threaten to disappear

All that we have's the present
To cherish while we can
Seizing every chance we're blessed with
And leave with no regrets

Took a firm step in this place
Wishes, hopes, we're in a daze
The cold walls are taunting
Just where's the warmth within?

Whenever you call my name
Across the corridor
The madness of chasing dreams
Doesn't matter anymore

Walking hand in hand, heart to heart, joining voices to sing and dance
When I start this song, you'll sing along, and we can just go on and on and on

When we look back, will we remember
Each moment of this year?
The days that mark our time in here
Threaten to disappear

All that we have's the present
To cherish while we can
Seizing every chance we're blessed with
And leave with no regrets

Rough winds only bring us higher
Tough fights only make us stronger
Yet knowing we've got one another
We'll stick together more than ever
Yeah...

When we look back, will we remember
Each moment of this year?
The days that mark our time in here
Threaten to disappear

All that we have's the present
To cherish while we can
Seizing every chance we're blessed with
And leave with no regrets

When we look back, will we remember
Each moment of this year?
The days that mark our time in here
Threaten to disappear

All that we have's the present
To cherish while we can
All the friends we've made we won't forget
We'll leave with no regrets
This two years no regrets
This two years no regrets.

silent screams

2009-02-02T01:07:00.002+08:00

at times like these.

when my heart is strangled, when I feel like screaming.
the only option seems like a voiceless release into the night;
the night which merely stares back, without sympathy.

to sit motionless in pitch-black silence
allowing my tears to scar my face, creeping slowly
to tear me apart as no one watches in darkness.

because at times like these,
I really need a hand holding mine
telling me that we won't let go.

why does life have to work out this way?

once again

2009-01-31T20:22:00.003+08:00

I need to give all I've got.
I need to stay mentally strong.
I need to keep having faith.
I need to give all I've got.
I need to stay mentally strong.
I need to keep having faith.
I need to give all I've got.
I need to stay mentally strong.
I need to keep having faith.
I need to give all I've got.
I need to stay mentally strong.
I need to keep having faith.
I need to give all I've got.
I need to stay mentally strong.
I need to keep having faith.
I need to give all I've got.
I need to stay mentally strong.
I need to keep having faith.
I need to give all I've got.
I need to stay mentally strong.
I need to keep having faith.
I need to give all I've got.
I need to stay mentally strong.
I need to keep having faith.
I need to give all I've got.
I need to stay mentally strong.
I need to keep having faith.
I need to give all I've got.
I need to stay mentally strong.
I need to keep having faith.

because there ain't no sun if you can't look beyond clouds.

life and such

2009-01-29T22:54:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates for a rather long time.

I guess the last few days have been pretty normal. CNY every year means getting to see relatives and friends which I have not seen for ages, and catching up with them, even if it's in small ways. This year was pretty much the same, only that I saw considerably fewer people as compared to previous years. It was still pretty fun though, with stuff such as mahjong!

JIP is drawing to a close, and it's quite scary to see how fast everything just passes. Tomorrow will officially be the last day of JIP, after which would come orientation and then lessons proper. In a way, I'm looking forward to orientation, as much as I don't feel like moving on into lesson mode thereafter.

Everything flows in the bigger picture though, and it's just rather inevitable.

hold my hand through the dark

2009-01-27T01:31:00.002+08:00

for perspectives are what make our world.

for people don't see the same way.

for we pretend.

why?

my 17th 17th of January

2009-01-18T22:07:00.006+08:00

and so, I've officially turned 17.

As I must agree with joou, 17 isn't much different than 16. Other than the heartwarming fact that I received birthday wishes at the stroke of midnight, there was really little difference. Still, I'm quite glad to say that I'm 17 now, and another year older.

I'm really really thankful to everybody who wished me happy birthday/happy early birthday/happy belated birthday! (: Now, here goes my attempt to list everybody who wished in person/on Facebook/through sms/through cards, as I also did last year.

A HUGE THANK YOU GOES OUT TO:
cassandra, junyong, hansheng, kristian, jamesgoh, celestine, aaron, jianxiong, charlene, geraldsng, chrisanda, nelson, jarrell, francine, ryan, yenlin, claire, dingjie, jocelyne, justin, shoujian, nigelfong, jed, daniellim, jeremysia, nelson, jiajin, marcusng, jiakun, darius, leon, elden, gregory, elias, kaushik, marcuslee, abhi, zaki, nicchee, daron, amanda, renyan, ernest, samching, jeanhui, kernchoong, liangzi, gracia, matthew, chuanhong, fiona, danielyeo, jiehao, weirong, junlin, bengoh, max, evan, geoff, benwong, rohan, zeming, alastair, aloysius, irvin, joseph, joannestephen, titus, nitya, vincent, nicng, danieltan, jerman, joou, andre, joy-anne&aaron, hongfei, jerrel, kuanyue, peter, jesslyn, jodi, claudia, kimfong, jerroldquek, cherylchen, chngyan, wencen, joy, kirk, peggie, sharonchan, guowei, yuting, kangjie, zongyi, siewying, aarontiong, zhuoyang, mom, dad, aunty irene, 4K people and church people (omg too many I can't remember!) :D I'm sorry if I missed out anybody, please tell me!

nope, this isn't in order. but if you wished me at the stroke of midnight, thank youuuuu again (:

thanks for all the presents :D

thanks for all the cards, especially those long and heartfelt ones :D

thanks if you wished my more than one time :D

thanks if you were the person to wish me the most times :D

thanks if you were the first/last person to wish me :D

thanks for the birthday songs :D

thanks mom and dad for the cake :D

thanks for the cat and cake :D (pictures as promised!)

The cat is cute omg (:

finally, thanks for the promises :D

I think as I start to walk through this next year of my life, the lyrics of this amazing song really are starting to speak to me. It isn't in the same magnitude as the song speaks of (especially since Jeremy Camp wrote this song after his wife died of cancer), but it still maintains the weight of the same message which is speaking to me. The year of sweet 16 has been a really bittersweet one, as I have constantly mentioned in some of the previous posts. I want to make 17 one when I can truly say 'I Still Believe'.

I Still Believe - Jeremy Camp
Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems i don't know where to start
But it's now i feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises i still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare
But it's now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

The only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers in brokeness
I can see that this is your will for me
Help me to know you are near

The flames danced atop the candles, sending hot wax spiraling down onto the brownish surface below. It had been a year since the last time I had the chance to do this, the difference this year being the addition of an extra candle. I closed my eyes, made that wish which I would hold close to my heart, and extinguished the dancing flames in a single breath. With this, I sealed my promise, once again.

Tag Replies
[matthew] haha personal opinion xD
[nellie] ehhh, OCD is sometimes a good thing! helps you stay organised heh!
[chris] YEAH! but then again, nobody would ever be, sadly D:
[kiimmy] haha it's okay yeah! hope you like it (:
[claudia] omgg haha yeah, that's exactly what my friend said!
[yenlin] yeahh >< but the book is still okay I think! sweet scenes yay (:
[francine] omgg, I haven't replied tags for THAT long? o.o a very delayed happy new year!
[kylim] you too! HAHA you can still afford to be higher, in all senses xD
[chris] haha that was very random xD but I think we're gonna get used to it soon!
[theotterestotter] HAHA it's a nice song omg (: and otter feeding? o.O
[claire.] I AGREE WITH YOU (: nice song!
[theotterestotter] heh, what should I say xD
[graciastef] hello! haha thanks, i'll link you!
[shanzhi] of course they're not, if not you'll have laughed and not got freaked out xD
[claire.] who said it was referring to the same thing? xD anw, saw you in school HAHA!
[yuting] thanks yuting (: & yeah, i'll relink you! keep your blog alive this time.

a thousand miles or longer

2009-01-15T22:57:00.003+08:00

I would soar ten thousand miles across the azure sky,
to catch one glimpse at the beauty of your face.

I was just thinking of lengths, when this thought came to me. Everybody defines their own lengths, those which they are willing to meet in order to reach their goal. What lengths will you go to find the one you love? What lengths would you meet to keep a friendship? What lengths, why and how?

It is only natural that we adjust this aforementioned in relation to our expectations, hopes and dreams. We find our own correlation in the ever changing tangle of expectations, both our own or otherwise.

Then, I ask myself, what lengths am I willing to traverse? How long am I willing to go on?

Forever, never to stop.

tell-tale heart

2009-01-13T15:01:00.003+08:00

what keeps a heart beating?

what keeps an empty heart sane?

what brings life to the broken soul?

what heals?

right where we were then

2009-01-13T14:51:00.002+08:00

I guess I haven't really written a proper post for quite a long time. Everything's been poetic, but you can't blame me! Poetic language is pretty! So anyway, here's a quick update of what's been going on, and what's up for the rest of the week.

The last week of my holidays have been mainly filled with Class Chalet, APCG Cycling Outing, Charles' Birthday Party as well as TSD stuff. Pretty nice way to end the holidays I guess. Now that's it's ending, I don't really want everything to come to a close just like that. I can't say I managed to do everything I wanted to do during this holidays, but it's been fulfilling at the very least.

Just a random thought, sitting on the beach in the wee hours with the night breeze is a rather refreshing experience. It's been a really long time since I've been out that late listening to the waves crash and retreat, the sounds of the night and friends' voice and kites in the tree. (yes shanzhi, kites in the tree xD) Wish I could do that more often, for the feeling it gives.

I have yet to post my new year post yet. Maybe it'll come soon, maybe it'll come not so soon or maybe it'll never come. Whatever it is, cheers to the start of school tomorrow.

Once again, incoherence at it's best. Oh well.

so shine for me

2009-01-13T02:54:00.003+08:00

it was always meant to be
something beautiful
a promise, atop
the dazzling rainbow

shining for us above
our dreams
of never letting go ;
forever

and ever after.

could we fly

2009-01-11T02:31:00.003+08:00

I'm still holding on to this fairytale, and I never want to let go.

Never, because it's forever to me.

never fading

2009-01-11T01:45:00.002+08:00

when you rake up memories you wish to uncover.
when you see links blind to you before.
when you replay like it's happening again, and again.
when you trust, promise, keep believing.

you find hope.
you find joy, laced with regret.
you find comfort and security.

and I, find you.

superhuman promise

2009-01-05T01:33:00.003+08:00

hello world! I'm still in the midst of formulating my post 2008 post, so that'll have to wait! Meanwhile, check this out!

Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down

I took a walk around the world
To ease my troubled mind
I left my body lying somewhere
In the sands of time
But I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah

I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be
Something to do with you
I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
There a-holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite

You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times
I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite

Woah-woah-oh
Woah-woah-oh
Woah-woah-oh
Woah-woah-oh

grey sky morning

2008-12-31T01:54:00.001+08:00

for all 2008 has taught me,
for all the people who meant so much,
for everything which I have seen,
for smiles and tears,

thank you. it's really been some year.

my fish is very adorable

2008-12-29T00:53:00.002+08:00

Because shawn commented just now that I haven't updated for quite a long time, I'm back here updating, with nothing much to say. This shall be a short post though, as I feel like going to sleep really soon!

It's almost going to be the end of 2008 in just a few days time. Just like that, another year has flew by in a blink of an eye. Honestly, I don't even know how to reflect on 2008, not even where to start. I know I've said quite abit about this in my previous posts, but as the days of 2008 become even fewer, it's inevitable to start to think about it even more. How am I going to end this year? What will my resolution of 2009 be? These are just some of the few questions I'm asking myself. Okay, I'm kind of at a loss for words now.

On a related note, I was very encouraged by some of the testimonies in church today, especially Douglas'. I don't know how, but deep down inside it spoke to me, even before he started singing the song he composed. When he started singing his song, I really could feel the lyrics. It's been a while since I was touched like that by a testimony.

On an unrelated note, I think this week is going to be kinda boring. So, for all the various groups of people who are supposed to go out soon, go out (:

Sorry for the randomness in this post. Sorry if you can't find the links.

In closing, "When life gives you lemons, play captain's ball", said Kieran Ram Chandra.

so the lion fell in love with the lamb

2008-12-23T21:42:00.003+08:00

It's just 2 days to Christmas. Somehow, this year seems rather different from the previous years. There isn't much hype, isn't much anticipation and the feeling in my heart is just different. The one thing I'm really looking forward to now is the 2nd run of our drama&dance performance to be a success. I think the sense of ownership for this production has got to me, in a positive kind of way. It's just like Drama Feste all over again, just for a different cause and with a different purpose. I wonder what i'll start to feel on the 25th itself. After all, this year has thrown at me enough twists, as it is.

The past week has been spent mostly in church, with awesome drama&dance people (: The past few days have been spent frantically shopping for stuff in time for Christmas. It's quite surreal that at the start of this holidays, I practically had nothing to do. As the holidays draw to a close, everything suddenly starts speeding up. There are still many things in the wings after Christmas, such as Class Chalet.

On yet another note, I have watched 'Twilight', and it's really not what I expected. At least Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have enough chemistry to carry the show through. Watching some scenes between Edward and Bella was really sweet though, because things like sitting amongst treetops are really impossible to get in real life. I mean, I can't even climb a tree properly, but that isn't the point is it?

Tag Replies
[joou] whyy? the lyrics are kinda interesting xD
[claire.] HI! haha you could if you want to!
[claire.] but, you are! haha, it's just that I didn't say I wasn't (:
[joou] haha hello (:
[kathy_NTP] hey. uhh link me? sorry I don't know how to use yahoo.
[hciR] haha saw you lol!
[kylim] ROAR back (:
[kiimmy] haha random tag xD
[claudia] you returned the favour! haha cheem? o.o
[brendaaa] hellooo!
[francine] yay thanks (:
[jason] yes, very random indeed!
[francine] haha that song is really nice and sweet (:

i'll rather die than to stay away from you ;

permanent

2008-12-16T20:42:00.002+08:00

Listening to David Cook belt out "Permanent" right now provides a magnificent contrast to my feelings. It's the end of the year once again, a time when we are supposed to reflect on the past year and everything which has come and gone.

I decided to read my blog posts from a year ago, and the revelation I got wasn't too far from what I expected. Things have changed, and that is inevitable. Sometimes, as I think about my circumstances this time last year, I can't seem to fathom why and how certain things happen. Still, the truth remains that one year on, things aren't the same at all.

The end of 2007 and the start of 2008 marked a time in which I set out with so many plans and great aspirations. I was involved in so many things, Moor House, RIPB, Orientation Camp, and was really so caught up with doing my job well. Orientation Camp really took up alot of my time, because as Co-Camp I/C, there was just so much to be done.

In contrast, this year I have nothing. I do not belong to any school now, and I do not have any obligations which I have to fulfil or proposals to rush. This holiday has been like no other: no work, no school schedules, no obligation. But yet, with the previous years, there was a sense of certainty. I knew exactly what I was going to do the next year, exactly who I would be in contact with, exactly what I would need to fulfil and what was needed to be done. There's no certainty now, because I do not know what is going to be thrown at me in 2009.

And, that is the least of my concerns in this post.

"Change is the only constant" is how the saying goes. I have never been one to believe in this statement, simply because it negates anything which is worthy to be treasured, a relationship for instance. If that was true, there would be no such thing as "unchanging love", "forever friends" or even "everlasting God". I would like to believe that certain things are indeed within our control, to ensure that things don't change.

It's quite hard though, in the face of juxtaposition from previous experiences. There was really so much hope at the end of last year, and most of what was there is gone now. There has really been a huge change in my life, as I move on, as I meet new people, and I get to know different people deeper. The cost of something broken has not only been the pain which comes with it, but the opportunity for something new. I'm ending this year with totally different hopes and dreams. I know this year has really taught me so much, even if it meant me going through probably the most crazy year of my life thus far.

It's never easy to let go, but it's necessary sometimes. I just hope and pray that I'll never need to let go of the hopes I'm bringing with me into 2009 and beyond, through all the uncertainty which is to come.

I still believe in the permanent.

for one more day

2008-12-14T22:07:00.002+08:00

As you can see from the emergence of my previous post, I have returned from the (not so) sunny town of Batu Pahat, where I participated in my church retreat. In short, it was a good time of bonding for me, because I really got to spend alot of time with the youths I normally and not so normally spend time with. And, it forced me to take my mind off everything, since I always had things to do (such as "Ballroom Captain's Ball" and "Time Limit Shopping", among others). But now I'm back, and have the task to focus on more pressing matters.

As another random thought, I have seen Jason, Yuting, Annabel, Kimfong and Jesslyn everyday since last saturday. Dance and drama is also going to make me venture deep into the Ang Mo Kio industrial estate to get to church more often than usual this week.

As the end of 2008 fast approaches, I'm finding my weeks getting more and more busy, and I guess I'm thankful for that in a way. Earlier in the holidays, I was complaining that my holidays were too empty, and now that it's not so free anymore, I guess I can't complain. I just hope that I can finish writing Christmas cards and getting presents, unlike last year and the year before.

As you may or may not have noticed, all my previous paragraphs start with the word "as". I think it's time I should stop that trend, so I shall not be deemed a boring writer. But too bad, there isn't another paragraph xD

for one more day
to lie in wait
to catch a star
to find true fate

for one more day
to reopen gates
to see again
on this one date

for one more day.

questions with few answers

2008-12-13T22:28:00.003+08:00

this is.

Crush - David Archuleta

I hung up
The phone tonight
Something happened
For the first time
Deep inside
It was a rush
What a rush
'Cause the possibility
That you would ever
Feel the same way
About me
It's just too much
Just too much
Why do I keep running
From the truth
All I ever think
About is you
You got me hypnotized
So mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this can go
Am I crazy
Or falling in love
Is it really just
Another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way you do
'Cause I'm trying, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush
Ain't goin' away
Goin' away
Goin' away

Why do I keep running
From the truth
All I ever think
About is you
You got me hypnotized
So mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this can go
Am I crazy
Or falling in love
Is it really just
Another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way you do
'Cause I'm trying, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush
Ain't goin' away
Goin' away
Goin' away

Tag Replies

[sixxjacques] hahaha why cannot arh? xD
[celes] thanks! yeah, decode (:
[claire.] meh, once again my spelling dies D: I bet not many people caught that though xD
[yenlin] yeah, that's quite true also. I kinda like the way this season is ending!
[joou] jo! I'm being confused by everything you've tagged! hahahaha.
[aaron] haha why's that?
[kangjie] thanks! hahaha HR thing xD michael and shayne hear that?
[shian] heh yeah xD
[kieran] HAHA I think you're just slow. awww.

hellogoodbye

2008-12-06T00:24:00.004+08:00

No, my blog isn't dead yet. I still intend to keep it alive for a long more time to come.

I'm just going away until the 10th, so you can expect a short hiatus till then.

Goodbye, faithful (and not so faithful) readers (:

feels like tonight

2008-12-02T00:54:00.002+08:00

"there's nothing else I wanna do, than try to make this up to you"

I'm sorry. I really am.

beneath words

2008-11-29T23:48:00.002+08:00

I was very tempted to post an entry concerning the Singaporean woman who was held hostage and subsequently killed in Mumbai. But for now, I shall not. The media has summed it up rather effectively as it is.

So, I shall blog about today instead. I went to Sentosa, and returned with various unfortunate minor alterations to different parts of my body (no, i'm not elaborating). Beach soccer is always fun though, and I guess it was worth it after all. Oh, and next time anybody wants ideas for a saddistic game, ask me! It involves green peas, grass and very sharp eyesight on the part of the players.

On the bus home today, I started thinking about something which I have been thinking about for a rather long time: the fact that I really absord and contemplate the lyrics of a song when I'm listening to it, undistracted. It's always when I plug in those earphones in the mrt/bus/car, that I really catch a closer glimpse of what each song I listen to really means. Usually, in the midst of all our hustle and bustle, the meanings of songs are hardly captured, with only the rhythm and beat featuring more prominently. I got a chance to listen to "My Immortal" today, and now I understand another song even deeper. That's not to say that I don't pay attention to lyrics normally, because I rather choose songs with nice lyrics over songs with nice beats anyway. Just another example of how we see things differently, if only we slow down sometimes.

& finally, this totally made me speechless today. It happened while Hongfei and I were talking about basketball.

Hansel: eh, 3-pointer (worth) how many points arh?

Classic.

handle with care

2008-11-28T23:12:00.004+08:00

this package contains relationships.
please handle with care.
thank you.

truly survivor

2008-11-28T17:27:00.003+08:00

I was just watching the late afternoon broadcast of 'Survivor: Gabon' just now, during which I caught a glimpse of something rather ironic. In this game which features backstabbing, blindsiding and betrayal (amongst other things) in abundance, trust is actually one of the most essential components of the game itself.

It is rare to see an alliance trusting each other enough to stick together and last the entire game (with notable exceptions being 'Rob and Amber' from All-Stars & 'Yul, Becky, Ozzy and Sundra' from Cook Islands). Even though promises are made for the members to cover each other's backs, alert each other if they have a target on their backs or even make desperate moves to save the alliance, somehow, something will crumble. A member would get tricked by mind games, leading him/her to believe that he/she is being left out of the loop. There may be a loss of faith, resulting in someone flipping sides and turning the game on its head. It's always a conflict between faith and your own gameplan.

I must make myself clear, I'm not complaining or ranting, because all these indeed are part of the game itself. I'm just wondering what'll actually happen if one alliance actually stuck together from start to finish. Especially in the earlier seasons, when tribe switches were not rampant at all, a powerhouse tribe/alliance could (theoratically) dominate due to the fact that they could bank on the fact that they would not get split up midway. For the producers, it will probably make the game more predictable or boring, which they of course wish to avoid for reasons of declining viewership among others. I'm interested to find out if this form of 'fairytale' would work out.

I like it how Jeff (the host) always highlights the importance of a strong tribe, the value of trust or something of the like after each blindside or elimination at tribal council. Which is indeed proven to be quite true, even more so when the game is coming to an end. When the numbers start to dwindle, and decisions become even harder, that is really when trust comes into play. Just something I was thinking about, really.

Everything said, it is afterall, a game of wits.

Outwit. Outplay. Outlast. In true survivor fashion, always.

mirror in the downpour

2008-11-27T01:14:00.002+08:00

There were heavy showers outside my window just a few minutes ago.

For that split second, as I glanced past the glass panes into that barrage of pouring rain, memories of the times when I used to gaze out into a storm with my mind swirling with thoughts came back to me. Those times near the middle of this year, when even the slightest image could set my mind racing. And I ask myself, am I past that stage? Or is it really just a temporal change, with that side of me screaming to be let free?

Oh well, I'm not looking for an answer anyway. Not now, at least.

decode

2008-11-26T22:19:00.003+08:00

I'm pretty amazed by this song. It's the lead track from the Twilight OST, and the more I listen to it and take in the lyrics, the more I feel it's so perfectly crafted for this movie.

It's mesmerizing.

Decode - Paramore

How can I decide what's right
When you're clouding up my mind?
I can't win your losing fight
All the time.

Not gonna ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides?
But you won't take away my pride.
No, not this time.
Not this time.

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue.
Just boiling in my blood.
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are,
If you're a man at all.
Well, I will figure this one out
On my own.
(I'm screaming, "I love you so.")
On my own.
(My thoughts you can't decode)

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.

Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah, yeah.
How did we get here?
Well, I used to know you so well.
I think I know.
I think I know.

There is something I see in you.
It might kill me.
I want it to be true.

change

2008-11-26T17:20:00.002+08:00

It's just as well that my previous blogskin's layout decided to rebel on me at this time. I needed some change anyway. So here's to my new skin, which I took ages to find. Being my OCD self (i'm kidding, really), there was always some minor detail of each previous skin I painstakingly browsed through which was not exactly to my liking. Well, that's not saying this skin is perfect of course. It was the best I've found so far though, thus, the change.

Speaking of change, there seems to be a need to implement some changes soon.

making sure this doesn't die

2008-11-25T22:11:00.003+08:00

I'm (and my blog for that matter) not dead yet, don't worry.

well, it's officially 2+ weeks into the end of year holidays now, and I really haven't been doing that much at all. half the days are spent waking up at random times and lazying around at home trying to find interesting things to do, while the other half of the days are spent running around meeting various people and doing various things. but really, lazying around at home too much is going to make me really bored, ~~and fat~~. oh well.

if you really want a glimpse of everything which has been going on so far, you could either look on facebook for nice snapshots, or simply ask me. sentosa, banzai outing and matthew's birthday have been some of the more exciting things of late, and i'm already yearning for more stuff to do!

This holidays, I want to: watch sunrise&sunset . pick up the keyboard . pick up the drums . take tennis lessons . do stuff to keep myself fit . write more poems&stuff . take some form of dance lessons . bake&cook . catch up with my reading . see a shooting star, although I doubt it . settle the High-Y thingy . be able to finish writing christmas cards this year. well, and the list goes on and on and on. strangely enough, my mind doesn't seem to be functioning very well today. ~~okay, maybe it's not that strange after all.~~

on another note, I've been thinking of many things recently. (NOTE: use of the word 'thinking' and not 'emoing') but since I always fail to record them down, it all turns out to be like these fleeting thoughts. they come, make a short impact, and then make their way out of my head. some part of it is retained, of course. but then again, it's very hard to really gauge how much. oh well, not like many people are really going to bother that much anyway.

Tag Replies
[jesslyn] haha okayy!
[someone] uhhh ...
[claire.] haha now you know that it is xD although it'll be pretty boring for readers to read a post like that. perhaps that's why my blog's viewership is always sufferring D:
[passerby] well, thanks passerby, whoever you are really.
[v] haha i didn't send any email in the end! but i know who you are already!
[nellie] omg this reply is so lag. but thanks (:
[kangjie] haha blame the question!
[jonlian] haha what type of question is that? ohh, rhetoric xD
[nigel] well, maybe it'll set in soon. I think my emotions are pretty weird.
[yenlin] :D and oh gosh, how come my spelling is so terrible :/
[arjun] haha okay!
[kangjie] kangjieeeeeeeee D: okayy whatever lol!
[claire.] -speechless- haha yes, can tell that you were very very bored!

The End, thus far.

of truth

2008-11-16T01:06:00.003+08:00

what really is truth?

is truth, making sure no part of what you say is false?
is truth, adhering to fact always?

is truth, simply never lying?
is truth, painting a full picture of circumstance?

is truth, not withholding, without shrouding shadow?
is truth, transparency to the highest degree?

is truth, a promise?

would you tell me, the truth?

of trust.

2008-11-15T02:09:00.004+08:00

what really is trust?

is trust, asking your friend to look after your rice while you buy a drink?
is trust, letting a classmate look after your wallet while you do PE?
is trust, jumping down into the open arms of someone who said they'll break your fall?

is trust, telling a friend a small secret which your friend promised to keep?
is trust, the willingness to open up to another?
is trust, an unspoken dependance?

is trust, a mutual understanding, never withholding, always faithful, knowing that somehow everything will be okay?

well, I guess everybody just has different definitions.

What Can I Do?

2008-11-13T00:03:00.002+08:00

I admit, I was bored.

1. Put Music Player on Shuffle.
2. Use Song Titles as answers to the question xD

1. If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say?
The Saddest Song – Until June
(Classic case of avoiding the question xD)

2. How would you describe yourself?
Look After You – The Fray
(haha, you mean my destiny's to be a guardian angel?)

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Long Walk Home – This Day and Age
(walking her home? that's the only long walk I can think of)

4. How do you feel today?
What Goes Around – Justin Timberlake
(Nothing went around today! I was super bored ><)

5. What is your life's purpose?
Someday - Nickelback
(ahhh, maybe i'll find it someday)

6. What is your motto?
Are You Ready - Creed
(Then, get set, GO!)

7. What do your friends think of you?
All About Love – Steven Curtis Chapman
(o.o I'm all about love?)

8. What do you think of your parents?
Sing for Absolution - Muse
(uhhhh...)

9. What do you think about very often?
Love Song - Anberlin
(why's there so much about love?!? Hmm...)

10. What is 2 + 2?
Hungry – Jeremy Camp
(HAHAHA. I don't know what to say. Doing math makes me hungry?)

11. What do you think of your best friend?
Is it any wonder? - Keane
(Noooooo... The lyrics are all wrong for this one, stupid song randomness)

12. What do you think of the person you like?
I Will Follow You Into The Dark – Death Cab for Cutie
(haha I think that's quite true for r'ships)

13. What is your life story?
Kisses and Cake – P.S. I Love You OST
(This sounds like more love stuff ><)

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
To the Moon and Back – Savage Garden
(ASTRONAUT?!?)

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Uwa no Sora – Plastic Tree
(y'know what? I totally don't even know what Uwa no Sora means!)

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
屋顶- 周杰伦
(HAHA. Rooftop dancing xD)

17. What will they play at your funeral?
一个人住- 阿杜
(referring to my coffin? o.o)

18. What is your hobby/interest?
Untitled – Simple Plan
(riiight. my hobby is untitled.)

19. What is your biggest fear?
Faceless Man - Creed
(ahhhhh, my face!)

20. What is your biggest secret?
Run It! – Chris Brown
(I don't even know what this song is about!)

21. What do you think of your friends?
Younglife - Anberlin
(hmm, interesting song.)

22. What will you post this as?
What Can I Do – The Corrs
(nothing. that's why I'm doing this random quiz)

the post gradnight bordem

2008-11-10T15:18:00.004+08:00

[Edit: omgg I realised I left something from the original which I copied over from joou somewhere in that meme, and it's TOTALLY very weird. deleted it already, so if you'v read it before, read again haha xD]

& I have nothing to do today. I'm probably going to stone at home the entire day, which isn't a very good prospective thought. I wish I could go out and do something. can't wait to see all those BANZAI people again though (: apcg outing anyone?

I'll post about grad night soon, as soon as all those photos finally upload themselves onto facebook! but for now, meme from joou.

[ ] I'm afraid of silence. (depends who the other party is)
[ ] I talk A LOT when I get really nervous.
[ ] I am really ticklish!
[ ] I'm afraid of the dark. (when I was small?)
[ ] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night. haha why?)
[ ] I can't sleep in a room if the door is open.
[ ] I can't sleep in a room if the door is closed.
[ ] I am afraid of gay or lesbian people.
[X] I believe in true love.
[ ] I've run away from home. (came really close to though)
[ ] I listen to political music (o.o ???)
[ ] I collect comic books.
[X] I shut others out when I'm sad. (depends on who the "others" are)
[X]I've stayed out all night.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[X] I am keeping a secret from the world. (most of the world at least xD)
[X] I watch the news. (not consistently though ><)
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs. (hate rap!!)
[X] I love Disney movies. (sweet :D)
[ ] I am a sucker for green eyes.
[ ] I am a sucker for brown eyes.
[ ] I am a sucker for blue eyes.
[X] I don't kill bugs, unless they irritate me. (hee, made an edit here)
[ ] I curse.
[ ] I have an "x" in my screen name.
[X] I've slipped and fell in public.
[X] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[X] I bake well. (the well part is debatable ><)
[ ] I have worn pajamas to class.
[ ] I have owned something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I want a better job.
[X] Talked on a phone for 6+ hours.
[ ] I love Dr. Phil.
[ ] I like multiple people.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. (nahh...)
[X] I am self-conscious.
[ ] I love to laugh.
[ ] I have smoked a pack in one day.
[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies.
[X] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. (strepsils!)
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[X] I have a lot of scars. (what type, physical or emotional? xD)
[X] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. (>.<)
[X] I love chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[ ] I am not comfortable with being me.
[X] I play computer games when I'm bored.
[ ] Gotten lost in the city.
[X] Thought of suicide before.
[ ] Seen a shooting star. (I SO WANT TO SEE ONE OMG!)
[ ] Had a menage a trois. (I wouldn't know what it was if joou hadn't looked it up ><)
[ ] Gone out in public in my pajamas.
[ ] Have kissed someone really strange.
[ ] Hugged a stranger. (that's really strange)
[ ] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of a diff. sex.
[ ] Been in a fist fight.
[ ] Been arrested.
[X] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of my nose. (water, thankfully)
[ ] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[ ] Swore at Liberace.
[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose.
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[ ] Gotten stitches. (I'm going to get some though ><)
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[X] Bitten someone.
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[X] Gotten the chicken pox.
[ ] Crashed into a car.
[ ] Been to Japan. (I wanna go!)
[X] Ridden in a taxi.
[ ] Shoplifted.
[ ] Been fired.
[ ] Stole something from your job.
[ ] Gone on a blind date.
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] Been to Europe. (I wanna go!)
[ ] Slept with a co-worker, and/or employee.
[ ] Been to New York (I wanna go!)
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced
[X] Saw someone/something dying. (figuratively)
[ ] Have a list of people you want to kill.
[ ] Been to Canada.
[X] Been on a plane.
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar or club.
[X] Eaten sushi.
[ ] Been snowboarding.
[ ] Taken a picture just for the sole purpose of putting it on myspace/friendster/facebook
[ ] Been ice skating (but I think i can do it xD)
[X] Cried in public.
[X] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed. (scaryyy.)
[ ] Been at a party and instead of giving out your phone number you give them your myspace name and say look me up.
[X] Thought of someone a lot lately.
[ ] Hate the world. (Not in this sense xD)
[ ] Love LIKE someone who doesnt realize it. (I don't understand this statement!! But if it's what I think it is, then uhh maybe?)
[ ] Have your cell phone permanently attached to your hand/hip

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHOOYENLIN! (haha I copied this from joou's blog too!)

Happy 16th Birthday, yenlin :D (yay, my own!)

focus, or lack thereof

2008-11-06T00:31:00.003+08:00

I was just thinking of something which has been on my mind for quite a while, but which I never really took that much notice of.

What if you have a really fantastic and complex dream, involving so many things and evoking so much emotion to the point where is seems almost real. But when you wake up, you forget every single thing about the dream. Everything except the person or people who was/were in it.

It's happened a few times already, not with the same person(s). And each time, I just wonder.

On a happier note, chinese Os are finally over (:

this is our end

2008-11-04T03:19:00.003+08:00

In just about 4 short hours time, I will be standing the Raffles Square for the very last morning assembly of my life in Raffles Institution. It'll be the very last time our batch sings the national anthem, the very last time I walk down the rows during assembly, the very last time I'll be carrying out morning duty in my capacity as a prefect.

That, will be the start of my very last day as a student of RI. Next year, things just won't be the same anymore. This will be the very last time 4K will be together officially, the very last time we can chill out in our classroom, the very last time on the very last day.

It's been an eventful 4 years, and when we graduate on friday, I really have no idea how I'm going to feel. 4 years have come and went, and right now, I'm going to embrace that very last time.

This is our end.

of words

2008-11-04T02:50:00.003+08:00

2:50am

I was thinking about something seemingly random, in the wee hours of the morning.

Imagine yourself writing something, a poem or song perhaps.
Suddenly, you find yourself at a loss for words.
You have so many things you wish to express.
The ideas are all in your head.
But, they just don't seem to come out right.
You feel that each time you pen something down,
you've left out an equally important part.
You try, and try, but do no justice.

This is when you know that no words can really describe the subject of your expression. It might be something too wonderful or too beautiful.

Maybe this is why somethings just aren't meant to be put into words (:

meow

2008-11-02T23:28:00.002+08:00

I think I'm supposed to do this, haha.

Name 20 people you can think of right now.
Don’t read the questions till you’ve named the 20 people.
& at the end, choose 11 people to do this.

1. Shou Jian
2. Chrisanda
3. Joou
4. Jarrell
5. Zaki
6. Yen Lin
7. Kang Jie
8. Sean Lim
9. Yen Yee
10. Celestine
11. Yuda
12. Matthew
13. Nazyra
14. Claire
15. Amanda
16. Kuan Yue
17. Jiakun
18. Jon Lian
19. Zhi Xuan
20. Tessa

Q1: How did you meet 14? (Claire)
A1: IJTP Invest '07!

Q2: What would you do if you didn’t meet no.1? (Shou Jian)
A2: I wouldn't have a nice house to study in xD nah kidding, probably would be much more emo in school.

Q3: What if 9 & 20 were dating? (Yen Yee & Tessa)
A3: Ummmm... Not possible!!

Q4: Describe 3. (Joou)
A4: Funny, smart, artistic and has the ability to make me high, among other things!

Q5: Is 8 attractive? (Sean Lim)
A5: His legs are xD

Q6: Describe 7. (Kang Jie)
A6: My other half of HR! Very organised, constantly in love with his mac!

Q7: Know any of 12’s family? (Matthew)
A7: Hmm, I've been to his house and seen both his parents before. Does that count?

Q8: What would you do if 10 broke up? (Celestine)
A8: Do what all good friends should, just be there (:

Q9: What language does 15 speak? (Amanda)
A9: English and Chinese? haha xD

Q10: Who is 9 going out with? (Yen Yee)
A10: uhhhhh... I wouldn't knowwwww!

Q11: How old is 16? (Kuan Yue)
A11: 16! Just like his number!

Q12: When was the last time you spoke to 13? (Nazyra)
A12: HAHA. What about, now!

Q13: Who’s 2 fave singer/band? (Chrisanda)
A13: -racks brain- I don't even know if she has one! Hillsongs maybe? (:

Q14: Will you like 4? (Jarrell)
A14: I've know him for like 6 years now, so ... xD

Q15: Will you ever date 1? (Shou Jian)
A15: Consider it done xD HAHA.

Q16: Is 19 single? (Zhi Xuan)
A16: I think so!

Q17: What is 18’s full name? (Jon Lian)
A17: Lian Enyong Jonathan.

Q18: Will you ever be in a relationship with 11? (Yuda)
A18: He'll so whack me!

Q19: What is the school of 17? (Jiakun)
A19: School-less (: He just graduated from HCI.

Q20: Where does 6 live? (Yen Lin)
A20: According to her, in a clump of houses, at the end of a road, next to a forest!

Q21: Favourite thing of 5? (Zaki)
A21: Favourtie thing? I've no ideaaaaaa!

Passing to 11 people:
Do it if you feel like (: or if you see your name around somewhere!

He Said, She Said

2008-11-02T02:14:00.002+08:00

2:15 am

He loves her, but he never told her.

She loves him, but she never told him.

They both guess, wonder, are confused.

They both live in silence, without love.

He finds another, life moves on.

She is left behind in the cycle of life.

Later, discovery will only lead to regret.

Regret of what was never said, of what could have been.

Regret of a potential perfect, love story.

What is love, without any risk?

tonight

2008-11-01T01:00:00.001+08:00

why does this always happen?

I feel so torn and broken up inside, again.

song for a friend

2008-10-28T22:18:00.002+08:00

Footprints in the Sand - Leona Lewis

You walked with me,
Footprints in the sand,
And helped me understand,
Where I'm going,

You walked with me,
When I was all alone,
With so much unknown,
Along the way,
Then I heard you say,

I promise you,
I'm always there,
When your heart is filled with sorrow,
And despair, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

I see my life flash across the sky,
So many times have I been so afraid.
And just when I, I thought I lost my way,
You gave me strength to carry on,
That's when you say,

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled
With sorrow and despair
Oh, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

When I'm with you,
Well I know you've been there,
And I can feel you when you say,

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled
With sadness and despair
I'll carry you when you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

When your heart is full of
Sadness and despair,
I'll carry you when you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

yes, i promise too.

Tag Replies

2008-10-27T21:55:00.002+08:00

joou recently reminded me about tags, and I realised that there are a huge number of them which I haven't replied to! therefore, here's dedicating an entire post to tag replies.

[claire] thanks claire (: well, it's kinda all said and done already. and i'm starting to miss it all.
[kieran] oops >< haha -inserts reminder into head-
[koon] you missed out the "and leaves his goal open" part! xD
[GT] yeahh, random question. but isn't beautiful mess quite true?
[chris] haha omg! I can't believe i'm replying this tag only NOW >< but thanks again (:
[kangjie] time to throw us away ):
[anonymous] well, that's up to you to decide. i'm not going to pass any judgement on your comments.
[shanzhi] well, i'm not expecting much from him anyway. but thanks anw.
[amanda] thanks for defending me, again (:
[peggie] thanks! haha i tagged on your blog too!
[kieran] that's provided you can find him xD
[nazyra] thanks again nazyra (:
[nigel] that was some crazy advice xD but thanks nigel!
[zhixuan] haha now you know already right?
[kangjie] you so didn't need to tag that on my blog haha xD
[v] heyy are you who I think you are? (: I shall email you to find out! or if you come back, tag again (:
[hciR] well, i do hope so yup.

sigh, the huge number of unanswered tags.

after(math)

2008-10-22T00:40:00.004+08:00

[Edit: This post was written at 1am on wednesday morning]

I really don't think any form of words would be capable of expressing exactly what i'm feeling right now. You know that dish rojak, which is a mixture of many many things? The one when sometimes, you don't even know what you're eating? Yeah, I could say that I'm feeling somewhat like that now.

On a night where everything seems so serene, as I stare out into the tranquil night and contemplate, here I am. Maybe it's just because the EOY period was too hectic, that it didn't even allow time for me to think. And so, in the aftermath of everything right now, i'm just left with both this huge emotional baggage and uplifting at the same time. Here I am, trying my very best to voice out my feeling, although a part of me tells me that it would be for the better if they were kept inside.

& I abruptly end my post here, totally not doing justice to whatever is in my heart right now.

the start of the finish

2008-10-19T01:28:00.001+08:00

One More Day.

I'm going to give it one final push. For myself, and for those who encouraged and believed in me.

Fight on, to find the top of my world.

Revolution: Agents of Change

2008-10-13T01:05:00.002+08:00

I was just randomly browsing through my itunes, taking a break from all the chemistry and physics which I've been trying to squeeze into my brain, when I found the song "Revolution". It was the theme song for youth camp 2004, and just listening to it brings back an entire host of memories. Since then, so many things have changed and been turned upside-down, till the point where I'm left confused sometimes. Still, this song never fails to touch my heart.

Revolution - Revival Generation

This is the hour of revolution, the hour of change
God's hand is shaking hearts and lives
Shaping history and remaking lives
This is our cry and prayer for our generation

Lord, help us to live out your truth
Let your heart beat in our every move
We will march through this land
Proclaiming your word to every man
Making you famous in this age
We are agents of change

This is the hour of revival, the hour of God
A mighty storm is raging through our lives
Bending our will and breaking lives
Lord we cry for breakthrough in our generation

Shine Jesus shine
Shine Jesus shine
Shine Jesus, through our lives

What does this mean to me now?

stories in a cold hall on a sunny day

2008-10-11T00:26:00.002+08:00

and so, it has finally started. 2 down, 6 to go. I already can't wait for it to be over, although this in between period would involve mass murder, arson and many violent measures!

yes, i'll be killing my brain cells, burning the midnight oil and fighting to concentrate and not get distracted.

right now, i'm taking a break from studying and just slacking for a while. shall try very hard not to slip back into melancholic moods during this period.

I need kitkat! heh xD

countdown

2008-10-09T00:06:00.002+08:00

only 1 day separates me from the start of my very last EOY in my secondary school life.

ONE DAY.

and in truth, it's getting a little scary. although i'll try very hard not to be too stressed xD

thanks everyone for all the encouragement (: even those seemingly small words mean alot.

& i'll blog about prometheum day some other time, after the eoys maybe. but it's over now. I've officially retired.

as time goes on

2008-10-05T23:20:00.002+08:00

I really can't believe how fast time flies by.

tomorrow will be the last time I ever stand behind that flagpole to raise the Moor House flag, while the school sings the Institution Anthem in unison.

tuesday will be the last day I walk the corridors of the school and enter the School Hall for that final assembly as captain of Moor House.

and as I embrace that moment when I would hand over that flag to my successor, my term would have come to and end. it didn't seem too long ago when Anzhen handed me the reins of this beautiful house, and told me to do my best and bring it to greater heights. the day when I first stood on that stage, my name being read and the mighty red flag thrust into my hands doesn't seem too long ago now. and now, one year on.

the handover will mark the end of one phase of my life, and the beginning of a new one. i'm sure i'll have much to say once the procession is actually complete, and I would have officially 'retired'. one thing's for sure though. Moor House is going to forever remain in my heart. fiery and formidable, always!

apart from that, I'll also be handing over the leadership of the RIPB Human Resource Department as well. it's been a crazy ride of deadlines, schedules and ups&downs, but through it all, it's been a great learning process. I'm sure that the EXCO of 2009 will take good care of HR and RIPB (:

more's to be said once it's all said and done. but for now, I know it's going to leave that little void in my heart.

strive on!

tag replies
[nellie] haha finally what?!
[kimfong] yay thanks for tagging!
[claire.] i'm not emo D: haha the mugging is ... tiring >< but okay!
[prongs] haha you know already right? xD
[jonlian] umm, "suicidal keeper abandons goal to run down the flank in an attempt to set up a goal!" yeah, that's it xD hahaha!
[celes] yay sports reporting is fun (:
[kangjie] haha maybeeeeee >< lol!
[dan] -nods- you said it right man!
[koon] nahh, just having some fun xD
[shanzhi] heh, that's good then.

it's a numbers game

2008-10-03T01:04:00.003+08:00

In a friendly soccer match held this morning, class 4K was split into two teams pitting the odd index numbers against the even index numbers. Playing on a pitch almost too small to accommodate all the players, it was a clash to decide which half of the class would come up tops.

With heavyweights Eng Shou Jian, Sean Lim and Thomas Oh lining up for the Odd Team, Even Team's center-back Wayne Tan was quoted saying, "It's going to be a tough match. I know the odds are heavily stacked against us."

However, it was the Even Team who started the game more brightly, with Timothy Ng hitting a quickfire brace to put his team 2-0 up. They were dictating the pace of the game, knowing that the odds were in their favour.

The Odd team though, would not take this lying down, and stormed back to break even. This time, it was stirker Thomas Oh who helped himself to a brace of his own. As time wound down, Even's Theodore Tan crashed a shot off the crossbar, Tan Koon Chong almost put through his own net in the most bizzare of circumstance and Odd's Eng Shou Jian spurned a one-on-one with the keeper. There were to be no more goals in regulation time.

In extra time, Even Team came out with all guns blazing and were unlucky not to be ahead when Odd's Matthew Chan cleared a goalbound shot off his goaline. It was not long, however, before Timothy Ng fired another shot in to complete his hat-trick and a 3-2 victory for the Even Team.

Odd Team's utility player Thia Shan Zhi was quoted after the match, "The odds were initially in our favour, but we unfortunately went 2-0 down quickly. I'm glad we managed to draw even at the end of normal time."

The post-match analysis showed that Odd's Eng Shou Jian sufferred from a sprained toe while taking a shot and would be out for a week. No other serious injuries were reported.

加油！

2008-10-02T01:09:00.009+08:00

as so, here starts the countdown.

10wednesday9thursday8friday7saturday6sunday
5monday4tuesday3wednesday2thursday

1FRIDAY! and it begins.

all the best to everyone out there who are in the midst of/awaiting exams! press on, people (:

we'll make it through ;

the fires and the flames

2008-09-29T01:35:00.002+08:00

I'm never able to withstand all the fires and flames of my life alone.
I'm weak, makes mistakes sometimes, and I fall.
I'm far from perfect, making mistakes, doing myself injustice.

I just want to thank everybody who really cares;

Because it matters, it really does.

disarray

2008-09-24T23:59:00.002+08:00

there are times when we wonder why certain things happen, why things have to turn out in a certain way.

there are times when through actions and reactions, we are able to perceive through facades and touch the reality which may often be hurtful.

there are times when we are so certain that things would turn out the way we planned, but the outcome leaves us disappointed, contemplative.

in our close surroundings, things change so quickly that we are hardly able to keep up, sometimes. the reality is that almost everything's changing. we see people change and fade away, we see dynamics within groups shift and change, wee see a complex world before us. & with this change comes challenges, conflict. with these changes come letting go.

maybe "disarray" would be an apt word to describe the state in which things move so fast, that we ourselves are left confused. maybe that's what this post is as well, confused. but after being the witness of a turn for the worse, a conflict which was never to be and countless masks being pulled on before my very eyes, there comes a point when I guess we are justified to question.

this year has been one filled with thinking, not to deny. but through it all, I can safely say that I've grasped a better picture of everything, a more rounded view on life. I know what exactly occupies which space in my life, and what I know I can hold on to. as the world zooms by, as our life flies by before us, we can't let ourselves fall into a state of disarray.

we have to be strong. we have to embrace what we hold dear in the midst of this beautiful mess.

and even though things move so fast, I still believe that there are things which do last forever ;

anw, I think that I owe quite a few tag replies to those who kindly tagged on my blog! ohmygosh, these replies are too long overdue!

[kieran] haha do you think you're right? xD
[candy] hi hi!
[anonymous] haha yeah i did! it was funny what!
[huong] hey haha you too! thanks!
[han sheng] ehh, I never sleep in the first place okay!
[kangjie] haha lately I've just had this urge to blog more. see, now it's dying already.
[clement] lol, what's that supposed to mean man?
[chris] haha I've gotta sustain it! sudden urges to blog compel me to blog xD
[hcir] haha yessssssss!
[zijie] haha yup sure!
[amanda] i took super long to do this too! haha your answers aren't queer la (:
[fiona] umm, only one? haha sorryyyyyy.
[briant] lol! then are you saying your good side is even better! xD
[joy] secret (: haha you wanna know?
[nigel] lol! you blur what! what can i do about it -shrugs-

0230

2008-09-23T02:31:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to say exactly how I feel.

; I need you now.

the secret

2008-09-18T00:36:00.009+08:00

because this super secretive thingy is going around now. because I was very interested. and because I promised chris that I would do it when she gave me the questions. so here are my answers! you can ask me if you want the questions xD

1. amanda, celestine, isaac chay
2. daniel tay, nicholas chee.
3. zongyi, yuda
4. keng chee
5. shou jian, jon lian, yen yee
6. jon lian, nazyra
7. amanda, chrisanda, isaac chay, kieran
8. yenlin, chrisanda, celestine, joou
9. shou jian
10. amanda
11. isaac chay
12. claire
13. biquan
14. juanmin, joho
15. kangjie (he'll kill me for this one xD)
16. junyong, yenlin
17. matthew
18. chrisanda, nazyra
19. tessa, sharon, chrisanda, yenlin, zongyi, kangjie, yuda, kengchee...
20. claire
21. fiona
22. o.O
23. paul tern
24. brian
25. isaac chay
26. kangjie xD (gosh, he's gonna kill me again)
27. junyong, jon lian
28. meijia
29. apcg people!
30. happy wondering why your name is placed next to that particular number (:

disclaimer: this isn't all inclusive!

making meaning

2008-09-16T01:38:00.001+08:00

I'll Stand By You - Carrie Underwood

Oh why you look so sad
The tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
I Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
I Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when, when the night falls on you, baby
You feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
I Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

Oh I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you

when we say forever means until the end of time ;

0330

2008-09-15T03:32:00.001+08:00

.
because I really care ;

Sell meat, Sell fish

2008-09-14T21:54:00.003+08:00

A butcher, sells meat.

It is his bread and butter. It is what he is skilled and experienced at doing. He knows exactly what to do, where to makes the chops, and executes it with utmost skill. He has always made his living selling meat, doing what he does best. Sometimes, people name him as the best butcher the town has ever seen. He is respected, a little overrated perhaps.

One day, at the point when demand for meat is at its peak, at the point when it matters most to the people that the best butcher provided them with the best service, the butcher quit. Instead, he made a switch to selling fish and becoming a fishmonger. Nobody could understand his decision, as to why he wanted to sell fish. To make things worse, the replacement butcher could not carry out his job properly, causing much discontent. The original butcher himself could not even sell fish properly, as he was too used to selling meat and the skills which were involved in it. There were no winners in this situation.

Finally, the people convinced the butcher to reverting to what he did best, selling meat. They had to persuade him to not sell fish anymore. Things were better now, and it was to the benefit of everybody. Things were better now, hopefully.

To most, the matter was resolved.

To some, the butcher's acts would remain their minds forever. Perhaps, it therefore cast a different light.

don't know ;

New Surrender

2008-09-14T15:02:00.002+08:00

"We will all come to the point in our life where we have to admit that we feel defeated, that something has conquered us. We must change, not because we want to, but because we desperately have to. We can not take life in its current suffocating state, even to admit such desperation shows that we are feeling deserted, wandering the barren desert, a shell of our former selves. It is only up from here, it is impossible to sink any lower into ourselves or our circumstances. But we can be salvaged, a deliverance. No vice can stand, no fix can take. The thorn in the side can be removed, but you have to be willing to admit and surrender. Surrender your habits, your lifestyle, your past, your present, and your future. This is your new surrender. The new surrender."

-Stephen Christian, Anberlin.

sorry

2008-09-10T02:11:00.001+08:00

i'm sorry to those who talked to me on msn tonight, or last night rather. was feeling a little out of sorts, so sorry if I haven't been replying properly.

feels like tonight ;

whenever you remember

2008-09-07T21:29:00.002+08:00

apcg outing updates will be up soon! sorry!

but for now, I'm currently very very addicted to this song!

Whenever you Remember - Carrie Underwood

When you look back on times we had
I hope you smile
And know that through the good and through the bad
I was on your side when nobody could hold us down
We claimed the brightest star
And we, we came so far
And no they won't forget

[Chorus]
Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believed that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember

When you think back on all we've done
I hope you're proud
When you look back and see how far we've come
It was our time to shine
And nobody could hold us down
They thought they'd see us fall
But we, we stood so tall
And no we won't forget

Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believed that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember

Yeah, Oh

We claimed the brightest star
And we, we came so far
You know that we, we showed them all
And no they won't forget

Yeah

Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believed that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember

Whenever you remember
Oh, whenever you remember

tag replies, by the way
[joy] haha sorry! but white doesn't look as nice. hahaha (:
[joou] jo! haha sorry that was very random! but i was very amused at your use of the word!
[kieran] haha yeah, he looks pro right?
[nellie] where got emo? O:
[momo chan] haha i think nobody knows who you are! apcg yessss (:
[claire] amazing isn't it, considering that it rained every other day in the week! nice (:
[max] haha next time! if not the police will arrest us for illegal gathering la!
[jessica] haha thanks! and thanks for tagging (: jiayou for your invest prep!
[celestine] i think so too (: awwwww!

apcg post, soon soon soon!

ehh . pee . see . gee

2008-09-04T22:23:00.004+08:00

tomorrow's the APCG gathering and I'm quite happy about it! seems like a million years since I saw all of those people, and seeing them again tomorrow would be good, surely. i really hope enough people do turn up tomorrow! seems like alot of people can't come already. the only problem is that is has been raining almost everyday this week, and I sure hope that it doesn't rain tomorrow! ECP isn't as fun when there's the rain around. no rain okay, mr weatherman? xD

also, I just finished uploading some very very very very delayed pictures from apcg on facebook. and those photos really bring back some of the memories of everything. term 3 really was such a tough term, yet one that passed ever so fast. I don't know how to feel. oh well.

anyway, this might just grip my heart. even though they're only robots.

and this, is in anticipation for tomorrow's outing (:

Rain - Breaking Benjamin

Take a photograph,
It'll be the last,
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here

I don't have a past
I just have a chance,
Not a family or honest plea remains to say

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Is it you I want,
Or just the notion
Of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around

Safe to say from here,
You're getting closer now,
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

To lie here under you,
Is all that I could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,
To lie here under you is all that i could ever do,
To lie here under you is all

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

broken

2008-09-03T12:45:00.001+08:00

Broken - Lifehouse

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

why.

2008-09-03T02:20:00.000+08:00

if i can't accept fate,

then why does fate have to accept me?

the september holidays (part 1)

2008-09-02T18:51:00.008+08:00

heyo! I'm like in the middle of my september holidays right now, and I'm slacking so much! haven't really been doing alot of work, and I've been going out alot (which is what the holidays is for anw). but I'm very very glad that I actually have time to rest and escape from school at least for this one week. I badly needed the break. well, so here's a rundown on what's been going on for me these few days!

Friday (290808)

after leaving school at 0015hrs on friday morning making cups for teachers' day, we had to be in school by 0630 again. it was quite a mad rush to properly sort out all the cups which we had designed the previous night, but we made the deadline in the end. just! managed to last through the last teachers' day celebration of my life in RI, with it being rather interesting. it finished quite early though, around 9am. I think overall it was quite a success, considering that the response was quite good. and also because the team really didn't have alot of time to work out the stuff, and alot of the stuff was really last minute. but congrats to Shaun Yeo and team (:

anyway after the celebrations, we had to do some clean up. thanks to zhiyou's vacumm cleaner, we cleaned up the hall in a flash! then popped by kemama shop to play some table tennis with the 4k guys before going to play pool! oh man, the table tennis table really reminds me of the time i used to train in potong pasir CC when I was really small, and the times I would play at the void deck of the HDB block where they have really old tables there. table tennis rally with 4K, fun!

so after that, we went to dhoby ghaut to play pool! the last time I played pool before this was way back in june, so I needed to un-rusty-fy my skills. thankfully, this session went okay and I came out of it quite happy! after that we went to burger king to have lunch, where we sat and talked about random stuff for close to 2 hours, before going to the cathay to browse for a while.

Saturday (300808)

went to ECP! we had quite a secluded spot near the end of the jetty, so we had quite alot of space to ourselves. which was really good, cause we wanted to play things like frisbee and soccer. so we started off with playing some very random games. RANDOM! we had this scavenger hunt thingy where one of the items were 2 coconuts. so me, hongfei and kuanyue walked super super long to find somewhere which sold coconuts, seeing that there was not a coconut tree in sight. in the end, we found coconut can drink -.- at least it was better than nothing.

then after more random stuff, we finally could play soccer! the ground was slippery already to start with, and then it started raining. so it was really wet, but then we still continued to play. I got quite tired from all the running up and down and falling down. but for soccer, it's always worth it I guess.

the scenery and the sky was quite nice, after the downpour. I took a while to stand by the beach and take in the horizon and what I could see of the sunset from the east coast. It's really been a while since I stopped to stare at such beauty, and it felt quite good. I love the portraits the sky can paint with its colours, because it just dazzles me with its beauty. and then I went to sit on the beach, and take in the waves and all. I just love it, really. I felt so free, for that moment.

Monday (010908)

I overslept! okay not good, not good at all. I was supposed to be in school at 10am, so i woke up at 9am. but then I stupidly accidentely fell back asleep, until 11am when shanzhi called me. sighh. so I went to school to meet shanzhi, mooty and zhixuan for some tennis/table tennis, but we ended up playing only the table version in the end. seriously, that table is going to bring back all my childhood memories I tell you!

had to go meet up with some of the other guys to do lit comedy soon though. me, shanzhi and mooty crashed shoujian's house so that the three of us could go there to discuss our own group's production as well, seeing how we are all quite worried about it now, but having no mood to do anything actually. so in the end, true to our word, we ended up not doing lit! we went to watch some random video about some swimmer and then tried to make a booking for "the cage". then I had to leave already.

Tuesday (020908)

CAGE WITH 4K GUYS! haha super fun (:

even though I wasn't exactly feeling very very physically fit, I still managed to play alot and enjoy quite abit. In the middle of one game, I pulled something in my knee and behind my calf, but then I ran it off and thought it was okay alr. haha Shanzhi's brother (shanquan), Sean's brother (seth) and jianxiong all crashed today.

went to dhoby Xchange to have lunch after that, and we sat at the same table as the last time! haha randomly coincidental. and I think I ate the same thing too, although I'm really not too sure. shoujian wanted to go and buy his bag after that, so we followed/tailed him around plazasing for a while scouting for nice stuff! then we went to play pool, again! this time I took even more nice shots (:

Photos: "The Cage" in BW, Group Photo (I'm in red, 2nd row far left), Dhoby Xchange Lunch, Wayne, ZhiXuan, Wayne (trying a cool backhand shot!), Junyong, Shanzhi.

so that's pretty much all for my holidays so far. sorry if this post has been too narrative. but i'll update this blog way more often. 'till the next time something interesting crops up (:

thanks to chris for reminding me, here are the tag replies!
[jonlian] that's very very true. sighh.
[joy] yay, thanks joy (:
[chris] of course I was! haha what did you think it was?
[amanda] haha don't worry amanda (: and yay, apcg outingggggg!
[yenlin] why not?
[yuting] haha yes my nose! it has stopped running away now alr though.
[claire] wow, thanks from tagging from bangkok (:

the word of the day today is: palatable. courtesy of joou (:

the quote of the day: me "i'm stoning", one-who-does-not-want-to-be-named "then i'm paper. i win you."

thanks also to jocelyne for the spell check! haha (:

transform

2008-09-02T18:19:00.002+08:00

a personality is a neverending cycle of change.

it changes according to circumstance.
it changes according to the people which it interacts with.

it yearns to find a perfect self which its beholder will cherish.
it yearns to seek an acceptable face to present to others.

and then, it changes.

everybody's changing, as the passage of time passes.
putting on different masks, makeup and facades. sometimes.

still, who we are at heart should never change.
we have the choice of what we want people to see, of us.
and what they see, if what they will believe.

I really thought I knew you, but now?
What's left as we let the sands of time trickle by?
You've changed, like every other person.
It's drastic though.

Or maybe it's just me.
Maybe I never knew you in the first place.
Perhaps, I never let you in.
Perhaps.

Do I still know you now?

It all makes me wonder.

I . Them . Us

2008-08-29T01:16:00.002+08:00

this post is going to be pretty incoherent because of the fact that I've almost just got back from a pretty tiring day in school now. thankfully, 1am is still pretty early for me. well, we were pretty much cooped up in the PB room for the whole of today designing and redesigning pretty cups for our teachers. the whole process was pretty tedious and pretty tiring, due to the many number of steps involved before one pretty gift adorned with a pretty ribbon each could be produces. It's pretty sad that alot of the stuff was so messily done that we pretty much had to revamp alot of the designs. but still, it was pretty fun coming up with new designs. so well, we worked till pretty late which left alot of us pretty tired and irritated, but pretty fulfilled.

I really have no idea how many "pretty" there were in the above paragraph.

YAY! but term is finally over and I can breathe a huge sigh of relief as this is a break which I personally really need. both for physical rest, for time to just enjoy myself and stop to think about things, and stuff like that. it's not a very very long one week, but at least it's a week where I can stop worrying about what's going on in school, about what time I have to sleep and wake up everyday, what's the work I have to prepare for tomorrow, etc. I've got a feeling that I won't be at home most of the time during this holidays, due to the number of things I wanna do and the number of people I want to catch up with (APCG Gathering!), but well, it's all worth it and good.

pool session after school with 4k people will be a good start to things i guess. also so, seeing that I've really been wanting to play pool for a very very long time! haha. not sure what else we'll be doing/might be doing/would try to do tomorrow, but it'll be good. and from then on, let's see what else I can make of the holidays.

on another note, there are some people I just really need to catch up with.

stop running

2008-08-27T03:46:00.002+08:00

please, don't leave me

don't keep running away from me

you've left me so cold

to the point that I don't know what to do

do you know how many tissues I've used because of you?

it hurts sometimes, you know

can't it go back to the way things were

when everything was fine and well?

I feel so sick inside now

please, i beg of you

stop running away.

oh, if you were wondering, I was referring to my nose.
it seems to be running once too often.

rain, rain, go away.

2008-08-23T17:46:00.003+08:00

i'm sitting at home right now and staring out my window at the rain which is falling outside. the sky's a shade of grey and everything outside is just so cold and bleak. usually this would make me emo, but ... ... today's no different. haha just kidding. i didn't stare outside long enough for me to start thinking about anything, actually. still, today's been a pretty dreary day as it's been raining since morning. rain, go away?

anyway, I've had so many things which I've wanted to blog about ever since the last post, but haven't seemed to be able to find the time or energy to actually document it down right here. sorry for the lack of regular updates. it's just a very busy time right now, with all the tests/prelims/assignments piling up in the very last week of the term. I WILL SURVIVE! I have to constantly try to brainwash myself because I'm just very tired and I need a break very very soon. even this post is being typed in the midst of me struggling to churn out my showcase portfolio which is due in monday. the worst part is that on wednesday, I have portfolio oral defence + math CCT + physics quiz. this is a disaster (which I haven't thought about how to cope with yet) but haha i hope that there'll be a way out, somehow.

by the way, doing up my portfolio and drafting my testimonial has really made me wonder just exactly what have I left behind after my 4 years in RI. I can recall so many high points in these 4 years, but I can also feel so many regrets, to the point that it's really all a jumble when I try to piece it all together. ~~just like my thoughts most of the time, huh.~~ I don't know if I've been able to be the role model I should have been, the leader which lets people look up to me, etc. and it's not helping that it now keeps dawning on me that my time in RI is almost over already. Well, I'll prob post more about this once I clear everything.

I don't feel in a mood to do abstract typing now, although I have quite alot of thoughts floating around in my mind now. guess they'll have to wait for later. but just as a last note, thanks for your concern, everybody who tagged. I'm okay, really.

[amanda] haha yeah I know! thanks alot (:
[chris] yupp! thanks chris (:
[broinchrist] & that will be more than enough. thanks, whoever you are.
[kangjie] I am! if I'm not, you'll have found a dead cat very long ago!
[chris] that's true. don't worry kae?
[zhixuan] I'm fine, no need to be worried.
[anon] i know, it's just a temporal feeling. i guess.
[jonlian] i <3 my new skin (:
[claire] ahh no emo cat! haha smile and the world smiles with me (:

so meanwhile, look at these lyrics and try to figure out what they mean to me.

So Sick - Ne-Yo
Mmmm mmm yeah
Do do do do do do do-do
Ohh Yeah

Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cause right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cause you walked out the door
But it's the only way
I hear your voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
It's been months
And for some reason I just
(can't get over us)
And I'm stronger than this
(enough is enough)
No more walking round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Crying over you

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calendar I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Don't make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
I'm letting go
Turning off the radio

Cause I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Said I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishin' you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
Why can't I turn off the radio?

the answer is that, it means nothing. I chose this song only for the title, which is a mirror of how i felt yesterday. Today's better, but I'm still down with fever/throat infection/flu. bleh.

~~but in a sense, I am sick of love songs ;~~

drop head, breakdown.

2008-08-16T04:36:00.004+08:00

.

I'm really sorry to whoever my emoness might have rubbed off onto.

I really don't want it this way, because I want to make people happy.

But sometimes, It's admittedly just so hard.

When you feel emotions so bottled up inside,

When you feel like breaking down and just letting it all out,

I find myself at a loss sometimes.

I don't know.

But I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I really am.

beautiful disaster

2008-08-15T02:58:00.004+08:00

sometimes, life's such a beautiful disaster.

forever

2008-08-11T03:00:00.003+08:00

forever embedded.

tell me, that forever means until the end of time.

shine on

2008-08-07T03:10:00.003+08:00

please, send me my shooting star ;

anti-memory

2008-08-07T01:40:00.002+08:00

have you ever had that feeling when you wake up, knowing you had a dream, but not being able to remember it?

well, my last post touched about memory and how we remember. perhaps the contrast to this post is rather apt, when we see how easy it is to forget as well. when we get up in the morning, our mind flashes back to snapshots of dreams which we had the night before. sometimes we remember small events, sometimes we remember the people involved, sometimes we remember small details. but somehow or another, I at least, can't seem to string one entire coherent dream back together again, no matter how hard i try. anti-memory?

I guess that dreams are only a mere example. maybe sometimes forgetting is the better way after all. imagine if we were to collect all our dreams and store them away, allowing us to view and remember them later. what is it which we will see? shock, fear and contemplation or happiness, joy and laughter? maybe that's why we forget.

maybe that's why the human mind is just like that. sometimes, we don't even realise it when we get hurt by certain people or events. only later, when we pull the memory out of the corner of our mind, is it when we realise that something weeks, months or even years ago could have hurt us more badly than we ever could imagine. It's true, I testify to it. these are the memories subconsciously stored in our mind, forgotten. for that while at least.

memory is always such a dangerous thing. it's able to bring about so much emotion. it's able to hurt or to heal. it's able to cut deep, just like dreams. just like dreams.

& on another note, I've listened to this song 100 times in two days.

Chemicals React - Aly & AJ
You make me feel out of my element
Like I'm walkin' on broken glass
Like my worlds spinnin' in slow motion
And you're movin' too fast

Were you right, was I wrong
Were you weak, was I strong, yeah
Both of us broken
Caught in a moment
We lived and we loved
And we hurt and we jumped, yeah
But the planets all aligned
When you looked into my eyes
And just like that
The chemicals react
The chemicals react

You make me feel out of my element
Like I'm drifting out to the sea
Like the tides pullin' me in deeper
Makin' it harder to breathe
We cannot deny, how we feel inside
We cannot deny

Were you right, was I wrong
Were you weak, was I strong, yeah
Both of us broken
Caught in a moment
We lived and we loved
And we hurt and we jumped, yeah
But the planets all aligned
When you looked into my eyes
And just like that
The chemicals react
The chemicals react

Kaleidoscope of colors
Turning hopes on fire, sun is burning
Shining down on both of us
Don’t let us lose it (don’t let us lose it...)

Were you right, was I wrong
Were you weak, was I strong, yeah
Both of us broken
Caught in a moment
We lived and we loved
And we hurt and we jumped, yeah

We lived
We loved
We hurt
We jumped
We're right
We're wrong
We're weak
We're strong
We lived to love

But the planets all aligned
When you looked into my eyes
And just like that
Watch the chemicals react
And just like that
The chemicals react
(The chemicals react)

midnight hour

2008-08-04T02:29:00.002+08:00

The roads were empty, with only the sound of engines able to be heard from some distance away. The tall trees, casting shadows below, stood in the midst of the wind. Its leaves rustling in the calm breeze, while it seemed to be swaying to some sort of rhythm. There were not many lights left, but enough to illuminate the building which stood afar. Stars were out in the sky tonight. And I, stared into the open sky. The wind fast catching the side of my face, as time wore on. Into the night, once again.

It's late, but still I don't feel like sleeping at all. Perhaps it's due to the fact that I slept for 3 hours in the late afternoon. Perhaps it's just the atmosphere of the night which is keeping me up. Perhaps, it's just me.

Tonight is one of those nights when I'm in a mood even I can't explain. It's neither emo, nor happy. It neither totally hurts my heart, or makes me smile. I don't know what type of mood you can call this. But I know that being emo is no good, so i've chosen to counter this mood by trying to talk to people, by reading blogs, by doing math and physics and by furiously packing my room until every single worksheet has been sorted. And now, here I am.

Today is a day my mind keeps bring me back to memories. As I was packing my room just now, I uncovered some APCG stuff and photos. Instantly, I was brought back to that week where we had so much fun, when I was hardly failed to be made happy, when I wish it could last forever. But it can't. Nothing in this world will ever be able to bring that week back. That week, in which so many things went on. Memory, sweet memory.

Earlier in the afternoon, while I was sitting on my bed reading a book and listening to music, my mind brought me back to a different sort of memory. It wasn't a memory of events, but of people. When was the first time? I was drawn back to that first time, that last time and all the emotion in between. It is this sort of memory which made me drop my book for that while, and force myself to remember. It is also this very sort of memories which hurt, which cut deep and which make me wish that we could turn back the hands of time.

Somewhere close to the midnight hour, I was brought back to another form of memory. This form of memory were words, which held such significance for me. I don't have the time to go through them again, and again. But everything my mind flickers back to that point in time when those words were all that brought me through the day. The beauty in this is that these words are connected to people, to places and to events. It is a web of memory, which i never thought would be cut and stretched.

As dawn breaks each day, events of the past day become a memory. However much we don't wish for some days to pass, there's nothing that can stop time from moving on. We can never be stuck in a moment forever. This is how we have to learn to preserve the beautiful memories as we move on with life. This is how we have to learn to get over hurts and broken dreams as they disappear before our very eyes. This is why memories as called memories, because all we can do is remember. With joy, or with regret. And this is why I hold memories so dear, because some of them will never be able to be recreated in the exact same way, forever.

Can I ever have those times back?

Yet, I know I have to move on from here. I think I'm in a point in my life now where I must face up to my struggles, where I must wrestle with myself until I sort things out and find my answers. I'm thankful for people in my life, because I know I can't face everything alone. As in my post sometime back, I still need to sit down and sort out everything on my mind, although some things are much clearer now.

Memory.
This is how we retain beauty and pain.
This is how we move on.

I'll make it though the night.

digital reply.

2008-08-03T23:35:00.002+08:00

This post is more to reply tags than anything else, really. I realised I've been lagging behind in tag replies again, and so it's due time to start replying. This is one of those times when I feel as though I have a thousand and one things to blog about, but when I just start to blog, I've really no idea where to start. No idea at all.

[kangjie] ahhh is that done? elections!
[lala] haha who're you? and have you found out yet? it's been a long time.
[chris] ahhh, so am i ):
[huiling] relinked (:
[kieran] yes I have already now!
[james] done!
[sheila] oh haha! hello & thanks for tagging (:
[celestine] yupp i will (: thanks alot!

bring on the rain and bring on the thunder ;
although I'm not sure I'll be able to stand it.

if i could rescue this well

2008-08-02T00:41:00.002+08:00

& so the most hectic part of term 3 is finally over. these 3 weeks have really killed me quite alot. physically, mentally, emotionally. hopefully, things look up from here.

How To Save A Life - The Fray
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

it's time to make it all right ;

after all this time

2008-07-29T01:03:00.002+08:00

& i realised that in the midst of my busy schedule, I've not had time to properly sit down and thinking through the issues which have been clouding my mind. Once things slow down a little, I'll need to settle my mind down quickly, make some decisions, let go of thoughts and move on with life. I'll need some time to struggle with myself, and decide on a balance of letting my heart and mind reign. I need to make things right.

because that's that way it is.

connection

2008-07-27T20:58:00.003+08:00

& becasue I realised that I very much prefer phone calls and face to face talks than msn/sms talk. Maybe it's the sense of reality and sincerity in it all. Maybe it's because I can better feel and sense what the other party is feeling. Maybe it's becasue it's then when I can say things i don't want to say through msn/sms. Hearing voices is so much better, all the time. But sometimes, it just isn't possible.

Live with it, theodore. Live with it.

passage of time

2008-07-26T12:00:00.008+08:00

I guess this really just sums up everything which we felt during the APCG week. This is on the blogs and msn display pics of many of the APCG facils and participants alike. I'm hoping too, that it's gonna live on in our hearts for a long time to come. For the facils, we committed our hearts to this from the offset. It took more than two months to put everything together, still quite amazing because of the fact that we were total strangers to each other right at the start. Like i said duirng the final group debrief session in PGPR, at the start "I looked across the table and didn't know anybody", and the start was not all that smooth sailing as well. The whole process didn't start off as i envisioned it to be, and there were a fair share of problems to be resolved at first.

Exactly 70 days on, the 50 of us are sitting in the PGPR multi-purpose hall, with APCG having come to a close. We watch a photo montage, we reflect and then it all come to a close. Back on that day, I still harboured a sense of disbelief that it was all over, the weird feeling that we would never have to plan anymore activities for this again, the sadness that we would no longer need to meet and stress over everything we needed to do. It was for me, a great sense of accomplishment, yet a overwhelming feeling of sadness. I realised that i had grown attached to this entire process, the group of 49 other facils and the experience as a whole. From the start, we've all come a really long way to where we ended up. We ended up united, as one. I'm really going to miss everything for what it was worth.

I really hope these bonds don't break so easily. As the passage of time passes us by, it's just natural for us to all fade away. Fade away into our busy schedules, fade away into our own lives of comfort and fade away into our own worlds. Be it participants or facils alike, I don't want any of it to fade away. I'm being brought back to HCI 13th SLC, when we though ECNE would stay strong forever. It worked for a while, but very soon, the contact just wasn't there and we seem so immersed with our own lives now. Last november, during OIP Hue, we built bonds across culture and country which we tried to sustain for as long as possible. Maybe it's true that all the miles can just seperate, because it's really so hard keeping up with everything. Slowly, we started to fade away. After just 5 days of contact with our participants, would we be able to at least sustain a basic relationship? After 70 days with each other, what would we facils do after it all ended? Although forever is a scary word, let's not fade away!

I sincerely want to thank everybody who has made this experience so wonderful and magical for me! I'm thankful I got to know the people I already knew before everything started even better. I'm thankful for the new people whom I've known. I'm thankful for everyone who made me happy. I'm thankful for everyone who cared. I've got many many things to thank people for and to say, but I'm not going to squeeze it into this post. & I'm thankful for my BG co I/Cs and logistics I/Cs! joou and jocelyn! & jocelyne, juan, darius and daniel!

I'm not going to blog a day by day post, because of the simple fact that there is really too much to say for each day! Although we didn't get as much interaction time with the participants as I would have liked, the times we spent were always fruitful and meaningful. 5 full days took a toll on our energy levels, but ultimately, it was fulfilling.

It's more than a week on from the end already. & I still feel as if i want more of apcg, more of those people who make me truly happy. thanks for the memories (:

BANZAI <3

coming right up.

2008-07-25T02:30:00.001+08:00

sorry to everybody who has been coming here and expecting a post about APCG.
I've just been really busy, and haven't really had time to blog.
I promise a post after Drama Feste is over (:

here.

2008-07-17T02:24:00.001+08:00

and because, it really hurts me to see you this way.

countdown, now.

2008-07-13T23:37:00.002+08:00

I can't believe that day 1 of APCG is starting tomorrow!

all the planning.
all the preparation.
all the effort.
all the committment.
all the energy.
everything.

it now comes down to this one week (:

let's go people, we'll make this APCG rock!

guilty, charged.

2008-07-13T13:08:00.003+08:00

I wanted this to be a really long post, but I can't really seem to force anything out of my mind right now. It's like I'm having the feeling of some sort of emotional melancholy. Perhaps, it's the fact that APCG is coming and ending so soon. It's leaving me sitting here and staring at this computer screen, counting down the minutes before I need to go to school and meet the APCG people. And then, I hope i'll be happy, again.

I really just feeling like talking to some people now, so much that it'll make me forget everything else on my mind.

tag replies!
[chris] yes i finally replied! and i'm replying again now, before it piles up again xD
[amanda] haha you haven't done it yet!
[elizabeth] heyy haha okays! it was the spur of the moment, really.
[kangjie] oh well, complicated things like these. thanks for tagging anw!
[amanda] i can't wait too (: APCG!
[yenlin] i can't remember all the words! but well, apcg (:
[joy] not intended! haha okay maybe it was xD

and finally, i heard this song yesterday. It's really quite beautiful, but i don't know what i'm supposed to make of the lyrics. That's becasue they're quite, cutting. If you would say that.

Guilty - Blue

I never want to play the games that people play
I never want to hear the things they gotta say
I've found everything I need
I never wanted anymore than I can see
I only want you to believe

If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime
Then I'm guilty

I wanna give you all the things you never had
Don't try to tell me how he treats you isn't bad
I need you back in my life
I never wanted just to be the other guy
I never wanted to live a lie

If it's wrong to tell the truth
What am I supposed to do
All I want to do is speak my mind
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime
Then I'm guilty

Girl I followed my heart
Followed the truth
Right from the start it led me to you
Please don't leave me this way
I'm guilty now all I have to say

If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my hearts a crime
Then I'm guilty

What am I supposed to do
Then I'm guilty
All I wanna do is speak my mind
Gulity
Then I'm guilty
I'm prepared to testify
If it's wrong to do what's right then tell me about this feeling inside
If loving you with all my hearts a crime
I'm Guilty

when the world stops turning

2008-07-12T03:10:00.002+08:00

in the midst of everything which is going on in my life now, i suddenly thought of this song today. don't ask why, because i don't really think i know myself. but it's a beautiful song. one which can hold memories. though not always ones which i desire.

At The Beginning
We were strangers starting out on our journey
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through
Now here we are and I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected what you did to my heart
When I lost hope you were there to remind me
This is the start

And Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever
A Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there whenthe storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

And Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever
A Wonderful journey

I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
I know that my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart

And Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road now and forever
A Wonderful journey

In the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with you

in the end i wanna be standing there, still going strong.

no air

2008-07-10T03:48:00.002+08:00

because the last few days have been crazy.
because there seems like there's not air to breathe.
because sometimes, pressing on isn't the easiest thing to do.

but i still do.
i believe in this.
i believe that the finish line's in sight.

we all have to learn to press on.

we were all strangers from the start.

2008-07-08T20:34:00.002+08:00

it's only 6 days to the start, 10 days to the finish.

i'm really just standing in awe of how time flies. it really seems not too long ago that 50 of us SFs were in the RGS CLC receiving out first briefing, instructions and groupings. that was 60 days ago to be exact, 2 months. back then, none of us had a complete picture of what was going on. none of us had much idea of what was expected of us, of what we would need to do and plan and of how this whole journey would turn out. back then, a glance across the table would lead me staring at a face i did not know.

i started out as part of BANZAI, originating from this hand game which i have unfortunately forgotten how to play. i need someone to teach me again. i had never seen half the group before in my life, perhaps the reason behind the awkward silence on the first day. but we slowly warmed up to each other, slowly broke down the boundaries and slowly opened up.

i always have looked forward to everytime there was an apcg meeting, and i still do now. each time we meet up as a group or as a mass of us, i can sense this feeling of joy (pun unintended)! as in, it makes me really happy hanging around you people (: and in addition to that, apcg meets for many many random reasons. trips to botanic gardens, rehearsals, group meetings and dry-runs, briefings and update sessions. even though there is always alot of things to do and take into consideration, i've never looked back since accepting this role as a SF. never looked back.

i guess i'll post more about this after apcg itself! but for now, i'm looking forward to the last prep session on sunday. and then on monday, the main event begins! it's going to be a real crazy week, with many many things to juggle. but i want to be a good facil, a good groupmate and a part of all these (: even though i can see the end in 10 days time, i really don't want it to. i'll really miss all the meetings and all, because i know i'll surely feel empty somehow. but as the time draws closer, we shall see how everything plays out.

banzai! shoujianyenlinzhuoyangwencendariusyenyeekieranjeanhuijocelynjoyelizabeth. we gotta press on until the end. because we done such a good job so far (:

as joou says, there're not going to be any full stops, just many many commas. in this journey.